Well tonight I just made things in my life very clear to my mom. She has been a thorn in my side for a very long time and has been a very critical influence on my decisions. So I’ve decided since Belle knows and now my Mom and my best friend back home its time to say fuck it. I refuse to hide any longer because to be honest it’s wearing me out.
I am going to use the letter I wrote my friend to explain what’s going on in my life. I have been trying to be private and hide out of fear of reaction and rejection.
What I must tell you is very difficult for me and is taking all the courage I can muster. Your patience, understanding, and support, I treasure very much.
I have a gender identity problem that I have struggled with my entire life. Really no surprise I’m sure. I am just accepting it now. I have been in therapy for it for a number of years now and have been diagnosed as a transsexual. I have felt imprisoned in a body that doesn’t match my mind, and this has caused me great despair and loneliness. At times it has taken me to dark places that have been hard to deal with.
I have tried to hide this, and still do but now it is public knowledge here and I am not sure how to deal with it except tell you. I cannot begin to describe the shame and suffering I have lived with. I know you will have trouble understanding this. In truth, I’ve had to live with it everyday of my life, and I don’t understand it. I have tried hard all my life to please everyone around me, to do the right thing and not rock the boat. As distressing as this is sure to be, I need to do this for myself and for my peace of mind and to end the agony in my soul.
Through it all, I have learned life is and adventure, and I would like to think that the best is yet to come. I hope we can all enjoy it together still. This above all letters is the hardest one for me to write because of our friendship.